bring on the new year

wow, this year has gone by pretty fast. it's weird to look back on it all and think about everything that has happened. how many times i've been disappointed and/or let down. how many new people i've met, how many new rushes i've had. i have to think about where i was tis time last year and where and WHO i am now... then i can really appreciate the changes i've made in myself. now for the past few years, i haven't really thought of any good new year's resolutions but this year i really know what i want to change about myself and how i'm going to do it. my resolution is to think about myself more often, and do thing in MY interest instead of giving everyone all my strength and effort only to receive little or none in return. i know how i'm going to do this, i'm going to refuse to take shit over and over again from people who claim to care about me... *cough* *cough* and the next time something happens, i'll stop it, i'll break off that friendship that clearly isn't important to them. i mean, if you really cared about someone then you think that you would try to avoid anything that would upset that person, hurt that person or damage your friendship with that person, but apparently not. :/ so this coming year, i will look out for myself and keep my enemies close, but my FRIENDS closer. yes, my f r i e n d s . so, bring on the new year.

happy new year
Laura xx

back to front row stage left again

i found myself in the new chiodos video. "the undertakers thirst for revenge is unquenchable (the final battle)" i'm only in it for about 2.5917684 seconds but when you're a fan of a band and you're in their music video, every millisecond counts ;) so you can see my Little bleached blonde head right up in front of the stage, but its in the lower left corner of the screen. yay for Pontiac chiodos video shoots on top of buildings on a school day... for FREE! :) so, in other news, it's Christmas eve-eve, "yay" :/ but my dad IS in fact coming HERE to america in only five days, and i know he is going to end up arguing with my mother but we'll survive.. hopefully, ugh. yup, so go and watch the new chiodos video, www.chiodos.net or iamcraigowens.com or myspace.com/chiodos or even on youtube... yay!

enjoy your holiday and stay warm and safe.
Laura xx

P.S WEIRD dreams lately :S

up in the studio, me and my drank

good afternoon, just got back from a buffet brunch at the university. yum, food. i'm listnening to music with stefan and yes... i listen to some rap music *gasp* haha, only some though, and none of that stuff that just talks about women as if they were objects. it warmed up today which made me happy :D
i was just thinking, who the hell reads this anyways? i don't really understand why i still write every now and then, i think it is really for me, so i can feel like i have my two cents in when someone or something bugs me. im not very confrontaional so this blog will be here for me when i want to bitch someone out but decide not to. i tried that out once, i wrote someone a letter, a two page, single spaced letter bitching them out. ops, i guess i was just a little harsh. whatever. nothing major going on in my life right now, our new computer shoud be getting here any time now, i've been waiting forever!!!!! omg, i want it so badly! well, im going to chill out now and do some homework and whatnot.

peace :D
Lauraxx

across the ocean, hear her scream

another day, another dime... is that how it goes? well, for me it's more like, another day, another something terribly annoying or hurtful. people tend to breeze over my well being, it irritates me to great extends. whatever -_- it's not going to magically become better if i just sit here, is it? i'm not in the writting mood, it being december and all. i wish there would be a snow-day sometime this week, i could use the extra sleep. well, i really don't hae anything to write so, just count down the days till christmas *shudders* but my dad is coming on the 28th :D
go listen to the grand coda :) c'est trés bien...
&& this is all still so new to me,
our eyes have lost their colour,
&& now i'm trying, i'm trying to keep my balance,
but there is nothing, theres nothing to keep me steady..
craigery micheal owens has a beautiful voice and an awesome talent for song writing.

music is life,
Laura xx

Bad•Day•Today :|

It's winter. And it's cold. I hate winter, I really do. The only reason this post contains proper punctuation and all that is because I'm using my brother's iPod Touch and it automatically corrects me if I forget to put a full-stop here, or a comma there etc. I shoveled the drive-way just a few minutes ago and my fingers are tingling from being so cold. I've worked so hard this past week or so, if actually applied myself to more than just school and my hair. I cleaned the entire house exceptionally well and I did it all on the basis of pure volunteer work. And what do I get in return? Nothing except my whole family making a trail of mess behind them every hour of the day, and some ultra bitch sessions from my mum. I'm trying to help her out and take care of the house for her but no one really appriciates it. They barely notice how emaculate the house looks when they come home, nut instead they fuck it all up again. I'm not a hired and paid maid. I'm just a fifteen year old kid who is looking after two eight year old, a sixteen year old and a mother. It's tough, but all I want is some help, and so e appriciation. I've been writing poems recently. Maybe I'll share some.

I press my face up against the cold glass
my breath blurs my vision
words cemented to my throat
I feel your fingers crawling
around my frail waist
Sunken eyes closing
I instantly weaken
you drag me to the bedroom
and have me strewn across the linen
our eyes will never meet
I still can't speak
you make your way to the mirror
but you can't look
((Dorian Grey stares right back
a monster in disguise))
I lay awake until the sky brightens
and watch you dose the lights
our fingers interlock
cold hands embrace each other
sunlight drips down the walls
worries temporarily dissolve
only lingering in the air
waiting to return again
---

I think it's alright. Not too great but not too bad. I swear any day now, I'm going to run out ofthis house. While she wabitching at me, i felt such an impulse to leave. But I'm too much of a goody-goody to actually act on it. I need to leave, I need to getout of here. I tryandtry and try to do something right but all I get is constant criticism, I hate it. She asks what's wrong, so I tell her. Then she gives me this look that convinces me that if I say another word, she'll throw herhandsaround my neck and kill me. It's seriously a homicidal look. Fuck it. What else can I do? I really need to get the fuck out of here. I could, right now; just leave, get out ofthis fucking house. God I hate being a teenager, it' fucking shitty.

Try have a better day than me, please.
Laura xx

hate-hate-hate-hate

while browsing some videos on You Tube, i came across a video by a girl named Amanda who decided she'd use her 15 minutes of fame by slating such bands as Paramore, Cute is What We Aim For, We the Kings, All Time Low, Metro Station and some others too. She basically hates the mainstream, aside from Fall Out Boy and Cobra Starship. I have no idea as to what could have possibly possessed this poor, bored young girl to post such a video. She actually seems to hate these bands so much, she has actually become OBSESSED with them. She has also received so much hate mail in response that I can't believe she still makes videos! She researches the bands and makes EVERY SINGLE video about 'those horrible bands' and about how much she hates them. She talked about albums she hates and expresses her 'expertise' on music. She even gives an album a bad rating even though she hasn't given it a chance. Now I'm not a fan of all time low, we the kings, cobra starship or metro station but the last thing I'm going to do is bitch them out on YouTube. She does in fact like fueled by ramen bands, a lot, and therefore has no right to call the FBR bands she hates, tacky and 'annoying'. She likes those 'tacky' bands but is too busy bitching to realise that. I applaud those who posted responses reasonably, without just firing back insults.
apparently she actually loves FBR bands. People are mostly thinking that she is just coming clean to avoid even more angry replies etc.
whatever she's doing, i wish she would stop. oh good God she bugs me. haha! oh the 21st century.

Sweet Dreams
Laura xx

there's nothing left in the midwest anyway

it snowed today! yeah, it settled on the grass but not on the pavement, thankfully. i'm sitting by the heater because i'm freezing! a letter to you is playing, and Stefan is working diligently on his AP euro homework. i'll have to force myself through another winter in Michigan. . . can i? it's not going to be easy, i can assure you. but as long as i have my amazing friends i'll survive the brutal weather.
ha ha, it's so funny how i can't sing at all! i wish i could though because i love music. i'll have to stick to the behind-the-scenes of the musical world. i'll still sing in the privacy of my own home though, i just can't help it :]. nothing really interesting has happened recently, well, i sent off a rather...umm...mean letter to someone about how i feel about them lately. i did it impulsively, which i very unlike me. but i typed it without really thinking too much about them and i just printed, yes printed it out, gave it to them and walked away. and i haven't seen them since. :D i got a lot off my shoulders this weekend. i'm freeeeee!

sleep tight
Laura xx

meat's no treat for those you eat

this is why i wont be eating a real turkey this thanksgiving:

every year at thanksgiving, my grandma buys the biggest, fattest turkey she can find. weird isn't it... i've never seen a turkey that fat with such tiny legs... that is because turkey suppliers breed the turkeys so that they grow fat fast in order to 'get their moneys worth'. this is no way more a turkey to grow up. they grown so fat so fast that their legs can't keep up and are crushed under their over fattened bodies. they are unable to move and grow sickly and weak. and all just so a family can get extra meat on their plate. turkeys are smart, and they can feel pain. it isn't fair on them.
i wont be eating real turkey (or any meat at all) this thanksgiving because i don't support this unethical treatment of animals. take a stand and help animals today, refuse to eat meat this thanksgiving. if you can make it through thanksgiving, then you can make i through anything.
go to www.peta2.com for more information and free stickers. (because everyone loves stickers!)

happy turkey month
Laura xx

just thinking

you could learn to love me,
but i can't stand the thought.
images run through my mind,
memories of when we fought.

i'll ask myself these questions,
over and over in my mind.
and i wont come up with any answers,
but just wish we could rewind.

you know what you do to me,
and you do it so well.
you keep me eyes open all night,
and i know you can tell.

you whisper to me,
everything that wasn't true.
i could learn to love you,
but you couldn't stand the thought, could you?





good-night
Laura xx

this is halloween;;this is halloween

yeah yeah... so i haven't blogged in a long time.
oh by the way please check out THEANITMUSICBLOG.BOGSPOT.COM
its my old friend from england's blog and it's pretty stellar. [yeah, i siad stellar... get over it].
so the weather is getting colder and it sucks.but halloween is just around the corner so i'm glad about that. i'm going to be a zombie princess. and my costume is as follows:
*pink and black strapless plaid dress from primark
*pink plastic tiara from hot topic
*black semi-opaque tights from dunne's
*pink heels from shuhs
*a hella lotta hairspray [aerosol free thank you very much]
*tons of pink and black eye make-up
*long black gloves from halloween usa
*fangs from halloween usa
*fake piercings from my mother
and i'm going to look amazingly amazing... i hope :s
so mysapce has been irritating me recently but whatever, i don't care.
RAHHHHH!
have a lovely halloween
Laura xx

everything in threes

THREE (of the many) NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Laura
2. short-blonde-british-girl
3. london

THREE THINGS YOU LOVE:
1. my cats
2. music
3. my friends

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU'VE HAD:
1.loopylaura7163 [i got it when i was 8, seriously]
2.laurahrawr
3.xscenexdinosaurx [ahaha]

THREE THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN THE PAST 33 MINUTES:
1. showered
2. listened to a hella lot of music
3. eaten

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
1. my friends. <3
2. my morals
3. my hair ^^


THREE THINGS YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
1. my luck
2. my nose
3. my height

THREE PARTS OF YOUR ORIGIN
1. London England
2. Cork Ireland
3. soomewhere here ;p

THREE THINGS YOU'RE AFRAID OF:
1. orangutans
2. clowns
3. being let down

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW
1. skinnies
2. jewelry
3. a shirt thats pink

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS
1. music
2. friends
3. clothes

THREE IMPORTANT OBJECTS
1. ipod
2. my phone
3. my keepsake box of letters, pictures and other stuff like that

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS
1. chiodos
2. drop dead gorgeous
3. panic at the disco

THREE WAYS TO BE HAPPY
1. sing sing sing, no matter how bad or amazing your voice is!
2. staying positive
3. finding amazing friends to trust

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT
1. citizens of tomorrow- tokyo police club
2. in vogue- drop dead, gorgeous
3. to trixie and reptile, thanks for everything- chiodos

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS
1. see chiodos
2. get my new computerrrr
3. have a massive snowball fight with my dad and my friends

THREE THINGS YOU REGRET
1. forgiving
2. not forgetting
3. idk

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP
1. trust
2. honesty
3. hugs! [and amour]

THREE IMPORTANT THINGS YOU'VE GIVEN THE WORLD:
1. a story
2. a point of view
3. my over processed hair

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order)
1. i was born blonde
2. i love fall out boy
3. i'm drunk


THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO (currently, at THIS chronological exactitude)
1. see my dad
2. sunbathe
3. call hannah

THREE THINGS YOU MISS FROM YOUR PAST
1. innocence/ignorance
2. spice girls
3. simplicity

THREE GIFTS YOU WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE
1. a mac book
2. a camera, a really nice canon one
3. perfect hair

THREE REASONS WHY YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE
1. i've been through a lot
2. i keep an open mind
3. my friends <3333

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES
1. listening to music
2. hanging out with friends
3. myspazzz lol

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW
1. meet jason and craig and matt and pat and derrick and bradley
2. take a chance
3. see my dad

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING
1. interior designer
2. something
3. suicide girl, jk jk.

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO FOR HOLIDAY
1. home
2. greece
3. italy

THREE FAVORITE CARTOON CHARACTERS
1. cheese
2. shnitzel
3. flapjack

THREE BOYS NAMES
1. andrew
2. craig
3. idk

THREE GIRLS NAMES
1. vanessa
2. hayley
3. eloise

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. scuba dive
2. have kids
3. be happy


Kisses
Laura xx

front row, stage left, ego box

tuesday was amazing. we waited in line from three to four thirty and ran across the road to a set of massive stone steps. then we were instructed to run uup them, on go. we did, it was crazy, people were falling over and landing on their faces but i got right up front! Then we got to a set of metal black gates, and when they opened them up, it was crazy! We ran and ran until we got to the stage nd held our place no matter what. steafene and i got right up front, stage left, right in front of jason hale on guitars and matt goddard on bass. but we were also right next to the all mighty ego box. it wa on of the best days of my life! craigery owens stood on the ego box many times that day :D. we also got to talk to the director, darren and jason and matt too.
they played the song over and over again and my hip bones are bruised and battered. my throat paid for it too obviously. when you sing one of your favourite songs over and over again your throat is going to pay for it.
well, it's one of those, i can barely begin to explain how amazing it was kinda things.
love you
laura xx

&& all the worlds a stage;;

on tuesday the 16th september, 2008. i'll be leaving school early to go to an event in pontiac, mi. rachel and steafene are coming with me and we'll be pushing through the crowds so that we may have a chance to appear on screen for a chiodos video. www.chiodos.net has all the information, if you're interested. i'll post pictures and videos on wednesday as i'll be way too jittery and busy on tuesday after the filming. we have to be there between 3 and 4pm in order to be given a wristband and entry. it is expected to wrap up around 9pm but no promises are made :). the song will be "the undertakers thirst for revenge is unquenchable {th final battle}" which is a great song. i can't wait for it! sorry for the short post, i've been busy this week and i have to go dance in the rain now ;).

te amo
Laura xx

my dear juliet

the weather today is lovely. it's raining and gray but lovely. i want to curl up and and watch a movie. but the weather is also affecting my mood in a negative way. i feel gloomy, lonely. i am alone, thats why. i've been alone for a long time. it's my standards i'm sure... they're set to high. how can i expect anything if i'm asking for so much. well, is it too much? honesty, loyalty, trust... maybe it's the fact that i want someone edge.thats probably it. not many people now days are edge. it's sad but true. this means i have an awfully small selection of people, an unfortunately i don't know too many of them. no, out of that exclusive group, i'm still looking for trust and all that, that narrows it down even more. so laura's just going to have to find amour somewhere else... which means waiting. unless something amazing happens and an egde, honest loyal, trustworthy, gorgeous kid just comes waltzing out of nowhere and is actually interested in me. psh, right, whatever.
in other [not so gloomy] news, school is going along smoothly and the first week flew by, unfortunately the weekend did too. so i'm happy about the people i have classes with for the most part, i don't have any truly agonizing classes that i have to force myself through, like gym. it, alright. :)
i'm going to have a shower now, calm down and watch some movies i haven't seen in a while.

je t'aime
Laura xx

meow meow meow

these are my two cats. oktobyr and kaspyr. they mean everything to me. kaspyr is my cat, and he's coming with me when i go back to europe for college. he's very special. he says 'bless you' almost every time i sneeze. and he can tell the difference between a genuine sneeze and a fake sneeze. i love him. his big blue eyes are gorgeous and his fur is so soft. he scratches up the furniture but i don't mind, it's hard to stay mad at him.
oktobyr pees in my closet and demands constant attention in the early hours of the morning. she sleeps when you want to play and wants to play when you want to sleep. she's a complete princess, with her 99% perfect markings {she has the tiniest imperfection on her tummy} and her well groomed fur. i love her too.

enjoy your sunday,
Laura xx

fingernails beneath the dirt

today was a rainy, overcast, sad but beautiful day. nothing went terribly wrong but nothing went terribly right either. tokyo police club, go listen to them. they're an underrated canadian quartet with a very british influence. they're pretty amazing actually. i love to simplicity and pleasently short songs. the songs hold generous servings of clever sayings and edgy style. i'll be keeping an eye on them.
i saw too orange cones today, one on top of the other. and i wondered to myself.. "i wonder if there is a bunny underneath them...". don't ask me why, but it just seemed to fit.
i tried to cheer people up today. and i tried to hide my overwhelming amount of stress and confusion, added together to make a rather gloomy mood. i hid it well, put a big, fat, fake grin on my face. it worked, everyone saw a little happy girl with no problems. i'm not bottling it up, i'm just holding it off until i sort out how to fix it. i hope i'll fix it soon.
this week has been quiet alright. my classes are okay i guess. earth science, re-learning all about the acient egyptians. earth science, revising the metric system... again. health and wellness, watching depressing videos of poverty, drug abuse and eating disorders. lunch. english, thinking about our goals in life. technology, touch typing and screaming inside jokes till our throats hurt. geometry, drawing squares and triangles... again. i have friends in most of my classes, thats what matters.
i'm going to call it a day.

kisses,
Laura xx

mechanical pencils

i went shopping for school supplies today. before today, i've never set foot in wal-mart. and i don't plan on it. my mother was in one of her devil-may-care, lets go and drive around in the moonlight, 'david sylvian' with a pinch of 'the smiths' moods. i sometimes enjoy them, sometimes they piss me off, as she turns into a strange 'not-my-mother' type of woman. but today i enjoyed it. after we bought sixty five dollars worth of stupid binders and notebooks, we talked about the smell of rain and gasoline. and how we missed england so much.
we brought up memories of sitting in traffic for hours coming back from richmond, the warm smell of roses that wafted on almost every street. the mild slightly icy winters that seem so easy now. walking to the train station every morning in my blazer and tie, passing all the florists on the way back home. sitting on the double decker on the way to kingston with my mum when we decided that parking wasn't an issue we wanted to deal with that day. the tiny single lane streets with semi-detached victorian houses aligning both sided of the street.
every friday, my mum would buy a bouquet of white and blush-pink flowers from the florist on the corner of heath gardens, {our road}, the one next to the sandwich shop. we would spend £40 on each bouquet, easily. and on those months where we were skint, we would still spend at least £20 on flowers. it really gets me thinking, we tried in england. we bought flowers, framed pictures, vases and other gorgeous bits-and-bobs on a weekly basis. in england we felt the need to impress. but now, in america, we just don't have the heart anymore to try. not that we think, 'americans aren't worth the effort.' or do we? here, people don't appreciate those little details as much as they did in london. 'thats a nice shirt, i like that band.' compared to 'wow, i love the god save the queen inspiration shown there, and that colour is a gorgeous shade of magnolia blossom.' okay so, thats not an everyday thing, but you understand where i'm coming from, don't you?
i'm ranting and probably not even making much sense. in short, i miss england. i miss london. i miss kingston and twickenham and hampton and richmond and all those lovely places. i miss living in a real victorian home. i miss the slang of my sunbury school. i miss all my lovely well dressed friends. i miss old blighty.
i want to go home.
but i don't have a choice right now.

long, meaningful embraces,
Laura xx

sophomore slump

well, i just got back from my first day of school as a sophomore. no longer freshman... yay, i suppose. i have some classes with friends but no enough. i have first lunch, and most of the interesting people i know, have second lunch. this is going to be interesting. i have pretty alright classes, except for sixth hour geometry, i can't stand that class already. great.

in other news, i should be getting an actual computer pretty soon. and i will no longer be forced to use this 'laptop'. it doesn't really qualify as a laptop though... you'll know what i mean if you see it. i'm counting down the days. when i get it, i'll upload pictures until my hand aches from using th mouse :).

now, i'm off to go be a myspaz whore and read up on the american music scene with my new issue of AP magazine. fun.

Lots of hugs and sheer adoration,
Laura xx